1st Step: SURGERY = COMPLETED & A SUCCESS~

THANK YOU FIRST AND FOREMOST FOR AL THE PRAYERS!

OK my friends...Sorry to keep you waitng, I was so out of it when I got back to my room, not to mention all the docs coming in to check on me ;-)  BY THAT TIME, BEING OFF ZELBORAF FOR THAT LONG CAUSED MY HIP PAIN TO BE EXCRUCIATING ONCE AGAIN...NOT FUN!

So, surgery WENT TREMENDOUSLY WELL!  I know it wasn't a curative surgery, but it is nice that it was on the surface AND not too deep.  Now we wait for the biopsy and HOPE AND PRAY IT GROWS MORE FOR TIL.  It was designed to get the tumor to biopsy to check to see if some hormone markers on it?  I trust my doctors completely.  They do feel they got all the margins and that is great.  

Surgery went so WELL that they put me back on Zelboraf last night.  Even though the side effects for this drug are yucky for me, I do feel like the darn thing helps.  AFTER ONE DOSE, I'M ALREADY FEELING SOME MORE RELIEF ON THE LEFT SIDE OF MY HIP.  Pain was excruciating again before surgery and I'm proud to say TODAY, IT'S NOT.  

I MAY EVEN START BIOCHEMOTHERAPY TODAY SO PLEASE BARE WITH ME AS I WILL BE SICK, TIRED AND THE WHOLE BIT SO I MAY BE MIA FOR A WEEK OR SO.  JEFF AND MY MOM WILL BE TAG TEAMING ME AND Z SO WILL HAVE THEIR HANDS FULL TOO.  

We are back to an awesome rhythm at home too and that makes me happy as well.  Zachary continue to use his "feeling" bracelets he got at the hospital.  His "Momo" he has with him a lot, is the monkey he named and can think of mom when she is not around.  He continues to learn and LOVE the video about your mom or dad having cancer which is told by doctors and kids.  It really hits home with him.  I love it!  What I don't love is the fact that all that wonderful stuff isn't on all the cancer floors.  

I wouldn't have known about it if it weren't for my friend Nat that is a practicing psychologist.  She called MDA social worker line and inquired about so many things to make things easier for families.  Those packets and info. need more visibility because not everyone will do that and they are so wonderful I can't stress it enough and I encourage you to inquire and check on that kind of stuff at your care center/hospital.  It doens't hurt to ask, right?  All they can do is say no.

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT ALWAYS.  LOVE YOU!  AS FOR MY BRAIN METS, I WILL DO STERIO ACTIVE BRAIN RADIATION AFTER IT IS ALL SAID AND DONE!  I BELIEVE AND TRUST IN MY DOCTORS, MY FAITH,  AND THEIR PLAN OF ATTACK THAT IS WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT! 

THAT IS THE UPDATE FOR NOW---LOVE YOU!

ALMOST GAME TIME~LET'S DO THIS!

Surgery:  All Prepped & Ready to Go!

Nurse just came in...They are taking me to surgery in an hour or less. IT'S GAME TIME! Let's do this~


Well, this was my status on my personal wall just minutes ago...In Typical any hospital fashion, nurse came back in and said to relax (after they had me in a frantic mood), they won't be coming until 8am.  

who knows when it will be, but it's best we put some thought and prayer on it NOW.  I'M STILL READY AND STILL WHENEVER THEY TAKE ME CAN'T WAIT TO NOT FEEL THAT TUMOR ANY MORE!  <3 TO YOU ALL!

It's just a head shaker because I WAS finally sound asleep. Now I'm wide awake, fully aware of how much pain I am in. Grrr. Just trying to take it in stride, but really as even kealed sps? As I am, IT'S MADDENING, right? Man I tell ya. BREATHE~

I've Decided...

I've decided to LIVE my life until I die and embrace the "Moments" each day has to offer...

as opposed to...

die while I'm still living which is something I see on so many people's faces in this world of stress we live in... HOPE is ALIVE in my soul is it ALIVE in yours?...

      We never know when our time is up. 4 days, 6 weeks, 9 months, 50+ years...Even I don't know that information.  It's an interesting spin on things if you really put it inside your soul and think about it.  Give it a try, you might like it.  It sure is making my everyday a bit brighter :-)

My Heart On Film...

I MAY HAVE CANCER, BUT CANCER DOESN'T HAVE ME...I WILL ALWAYS BE "JEN"

These pictures in the link below represent a "moment" in time where I may not have been feeling great but I did NOT let CANCER interfere with my ability to share beautiful and precious "MOMENTS" with my family that I will treasure forever.  Zachary had the vacation of a lifetime and what he will remember is his mom was there to share it with him...Priceless.  Thank you again dear friend Tracy Chadwick for capturing our family's heart without us knowing.  

So, my beautiful friend, Tracy Chadwick was able to meet us in Pacific City, OR and share the 4th of July, 2012 with us. It is so interesting how this universe works in a spiritual way and just has a way of somehow in hard times making everything just seem OK. Tracy and I met through Zachary and her daughter Grace.  Tracy and I shared part of one of the best times in my life...PLAYGROUP! Our playgroup consisted of 10 or more I lose track, inspiring, creative women that all became 1st time mom's within a month and a 1/2 of one another. Many of them, like Tracy, moved away from TX. It is so random and cool that we got to meet again while we had a family reunion (Jeff's side) not far from where they live. So fun. Grace and Zachary have known one another since 4 months old which means Tracy and I became friends about 4 years ago. Crazy how time flies...She is responsible for these beautiful "Moments" captured on film. Fun Times! Enjoy~


Please copy and paste this address into your browser and enjoy!  Love and health to you all...Cheers!


http://tracychadwick.viewbook.com/album/christiefamilypacificcityor#1

THE NEWS THAT I "Never Thought Would Happen to ME?"

WE ARE NOT MESSING AROUND ANYMORE AS IF WE REALLY WERE THE 1ST TIME, BUT HERE IT IS:

   I have had all day to process this information and let me tell you, it was devastating when it first came out of my doctor's mouth.  For me, hearing this was the last hurdle/last nightmare that could possibly happen.  After my Brain MRI last night, they discovered I had some metastases in my BRAIN!  Yes, you heard me correctly....IT'S SPREAD TO MY FREAKING BRAIN!"  HOW can this be?, I'm doing everything right?, I'm so dilIgent?, on top of every lump/bump/scan?  HOW, WHO WHAT, HOW?  HUH?  WHY?

AND THEN IT HAPPENED....A FLASH, A WHITE FLASH OF MY LIFE WITH ZACHARY'S ZOOMING ALONG AS IF TO TELL ME I WILL SEE IT ALL, IT JUST MAKE BE ON A MORE FAST-TRACKED FASHION.  

I know this all too well already, but I really know this....Life is precious, Life is Fragile, and none of us ever really know what is going to happen or how it is going to be, BUT I REALLY WASN'T EXPECTING THIS!

One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, minute by minute.........the lazor focus has hit a whole new meaning.  I, Jen Chrisite, whom loves MY life with her everything, now has Cancer in my brain.  Instead of hiding behind a rock, which I have never been one to do very well, I am exposing myself in full vulnerability.  The lesions are small in that they are only 2mm.  They said if this was just 2 years ago, they would be too small to even do anything about.  However, the fact of the matter is, that IT'S MELANOMA!  WE all know Melanoma is different, it's FAST, sneaky and was prob. there all along just undetectable.  

They believe it is because of Zelboraf that I prob. kept it off for this long.....I'm still REALLY UPSET, AND STILL NEED MORE SUPPORT THAN EVER.  EVEN THOUGH IT'S GOOD NEWS IN THAT THEY ARE SMALL TO THEM, it is still my brain and it is still Melanoma.  I'm smart enough to know what this really means.  Monday is still Surgery day for my breast tumor and then it hardcore treatment to STOP THE MELANOMA IN IT'S TRACKS.   The added thing needed is radiation of my brain and potentially meds for my brain and/or gamma knife etc.  It may be too small for gamma knife, I just don't know yet.  

I'M IN A REAL FIGHT FOR MY LIFE NOW, and I need the strength to walk this path.  I'm completely prepared to let GOD, as I have.  I also am completely wanting more than ever to FIGHT LIKE HELL.  We can't forget the new tumor growing rapidly on my breast, the lesions in my small bowel, and lymph nodes of abdomen.  I'M SO BEYOND FRUSTRATED!  

FIGHT THIS FIGHT WITH ME....I HAVE TO MAKE IT TO NC. TO WALK.....I HAVE TO MAKE IT ANOTHER YEAR TO SEE Z START KINDERGARTEN, GRADUATION, HIS WEDDING. AND ON AND ON AND ON...  SO MANY REASONS I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. 

Bare with me, things are hectic with all the prep in dr. appt. etc. etc.  Our family feels your support, but sometimes your support comes in needing our space in that to not complicate things are disrupt Zachary's calm he has going on with his school and his routine.  We will keep you posted as best we can, but please know, it's hard on me when I feel your ansiness and anxiety through emails as we are doing everything in our power to make sure we can wake up the next day and do it all over again.  I really wish I had better news.  Prayers Please...

I LOVE YOU ALL!  IT'S BEEN A ROUGH DAY, BUT STILL IN IT TO WIN IT!

Jen

MY PERSONAL OLYMPICS---IT'S TIME TO WIPE OUT MELANOMA!

GOING FOR GOLD!

This girl right here is SO excited for the OLYMPIC GAMES...In a way, I'm going to be participating in my own kind of Olympics while I Annihilate MELANOMA!

THE COMPETITIVE SPIRIT IN ME IS BREWING AND I'M READY!  Looks like I have surgery sched. on Monday to remove the tumor in my Breast and then begin to eradicate the rest with a heavy dose of Biochemotherapy while still on BRAF if I can tolorate it.  

They will be testing that tumor to see if it has any hormone markers on it and also sending it to the lab to re-grow the cells for TIL in the event I want that as an option  in the future.  

If you remember, last time the cells were grown for TIL the tumor was narcrotic due to the fact that I was no longer pregnant and my immune system had already been attacking the melanoma.  There are NO guarantees, but hey it sure is worth the hope. 

 I feel getting this tumor out of my breast will def. decrease my anxiety level as well because I end up checking it out everyday...has it grown?, does it hurt?, etc.

It is NOT going to be easy, but as the Olympics are on think of me and say and extra prayer for the competition I'm about to embark on.  With my competitive tenacity, I'm sorry Melanoma BUT YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE.  This MONSTER is growing FAST inside of me and it needs to be wiped out IMMEDIATELY.  I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE.  One hurdle at a time, Lazor focus and 150% BELIEF....I AM HOPEFUL!

LET'S DO THIS!  LET'S FOCUS.......IT'S GAME TIME!

STRUGGLING TO FIND MY WORDS...

Even if your voice is quiet, I know your fight is fierce! Don't ever quit!                                                                                                                                                                 

Inside the Body of a Cancer Patient is Screaming for HELP, when the outside says: "This girl has it all, what could possibly be so wrong or that bad?"

FACT:  

There has been a lot of heartache in the melanoma community in the past several months that it has been difficult to separate "Their Story" with "My Story"  I have been experiencing a LOT of pain recently, it has self admittedly been tough seeing my family's sadness on their face that I FELT THAT IF I WAS NASTY ENOUGH AND PUSHED THEM OUT, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SEE THEIR HURT.  THEY (MOSTLY JEFF AND MOM) MOSTLY HUGGED ME TIGHTER...WELL, THAT DIDN'T WORK!

 I know a lot of us have big stuff going on too. To get my head out of the "emotion" and "drama" out of my head, I forced myself to make a chart:  (this was learned through therapy)

One side:

What I know to be fact!

The other side:

"what I think to be true"

When actually doing this exercise, it's important to be authentically "honest" with your thoughts. 

What I caught myself doing this past month really when I seemed to be losing myself (which u prob gathered I have been struggling from some of my posts). In doing this excercise, I feel like in finding my way back to ME. The ME I LOVE, the me that CAN. NO MATTER WHAT. 

This past month, instead of living in the "facts/what I know", I have been living in the "what I think I know about my life and the way way melanoma will be in my life". That is completely false info that I have been misleading my emotions into thinking its good or it's bad and lately with all the hardship that has hit our community I've been allowing my positive brain to fill in the pieces as to my story IS going to end in sadness when in fact 

I DON'T KNOW THAT. I DON'T.  This tumor/lump showing up out of the blue and completely off guard you would think would be a fact to support all that negativity I have been dragging my family through. 

I have been miserable almost to the  point of being mean to Jeff, my mom, my family because I wanted to just be by myself and push everyone away because seeing the hurt on my family's face when I was hurting was almost too much for ME to handle, NOT TOO MUCH FOR THEM. They, meaning Jeff and my mom never wavered. As bad and self admittedly terrible I have been, they only HUGGED AND loved on me tighter. 

This new knot (along with the  stuff going on in CO) is kind of a smack in my face to remind me that 

WE ONLY KNOW WHAT WE KNOW AND THAT IS AS FAR AS IT GOES. this is heavy and hard stuff. It's hard go admit about yourself and hard to have a scary illness that is inside your body and trying to kill it and still ALLOW people to love me. 

I'm all over the place and I want all of you to know that I'm sharing a very private part of my heart in an effort to be vulnerable and in a way, grow an extra set of ARMOR to face this BEAST AND MONSTER AND SEE

IT 

to its forever resting place. 

ONLY FACTS ALLOWED IN THIS GIRL'S VOCABULARY and I need Yi guys to call me on my BS WHEN U DON'T SEE ME DOING THAT. 

I'm not perfect as I am flawed, but whatever, it takes to not lose myself and keep LIVING and not DIE before I am dead. Does that make sense?  That is what I want you guys to to remind me go keep living. It doesn't mean I cant have a bad day, or a bad thought as some of the facts on that page I will write will be negative; however, it's really important to me, 

I LIVE

I LIVE NOW

I LIVE IN TE FACTS!

Melanoma tried, but NOT SO FAST!

IT FAILED AGAIN :)

0-melanoma

1-Jen

YES!  I'm doing it <3