I'm Heading to ICU Tonight To Receive My TILS and IL-2 There in the Morning!

I feel good about the decision.  With all the unknowns, it will be the safest place for me.  Wish me luck.  Going in Head First!  Ready or not, here I come!

Ok, so met with Cardiology this morning along with Dr. Papa (melanoma) and his team. They ALL are rather perplexed as to what exactly happened and what caused my hear to go into affrib. being so young, healthy, and with great echo stress test and heart prior to this...YES, I am a real life episode of HOUSE, grin!

With all that taking into account, they want me to be in the BEST possible care going into TIL and I agree. They know TIL and the IL-2 component can send me into affrib. so they don't want to take any chances and also don't want to stress me or the nurses out on the reg. floor if that happens. It is for that reason that I am being transferred to ICU tonight.

I feel like they are making a good decision and I will feel safe there going into something VERY scary not knowing how my body will react, but ready to fight for as many doses that I can handle so I can KILL this monster for good.

Mom is on her way up...Jeff will get a slight break from me and some time with the BEAN when he gets home from school and a playdate with a buddy, and I will be travelling to the ICU. Wish me luck tom. It's a BIG day.

I'm naturally a bit scared, nervous, fired up, anxious, excited, optimistic, and ready to roll and put this behind me. TIL tom and week 1 of IL-2 your day is here....BRING IT! Prayers always welcome...you all have been AMAZING!

This man speaks to my heart and is my current heart...He has the hope that I BELIEVE IS ALIVE IN ME. He DID the treatment I am about to endure...I AM GOING TO DO THIS! I AM A SURVIVOR...I WILL WALK IN NC. TIL WILL WORK FOR ME. I love this man as for right now, in this moment...he represents the journey I am currently embarking on. I have the determination...I have the attitude! I see myself NED.....I see it, I feel it, I am it! It's me....watch out Melanoma, my TILS come tomorrow and hiccup after hiccup hasn't gotten me down, it's just given me more fuel to fight this fight!.  YOU have NO idea the type of drive I have when I look at my 3/12 year old son's eyes...The promise I make to my hubby when I believe we will go on many a family vacations this year. It's on my Vision board and DAMNIT Melanoma has no room anywhere. I"m receiving my chemo NOW as we speak! I BELIEVE!

http://www2.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/2012/03/tims-triumph-with-metastatic-melanoma.html

Trying to Play Catch UP...

Bear with me as I back peddle the days in order to catch my non facebook folks up to speed.  I've copied and pasted FB posts as it paints a pretty accurate picture of the brief comings and goings of The Christie's as of late.   Here we go:

March 15th:   I'm in so much hip pain I can't even walk and on so many pain meds

I can't get enough to relieve it. This is supposed to be our easy week,
do you remember? I have NO appetite at all, but nausea with meds have been
kept at bay. I'm disappointed that my TIL # isn't high but I will never
lose hope. All my life I've followed my instinct and was right so why
would this be any different. Really tired to ths point where my head is
heavy.

Jeff is staying the night with me so he can meet with the neuro
surgeon Tom. I'm having hopefully (so I can get off some of these heavy
pain meds). spinal chord ablation. The operation takes about an hour. It's Kind of like accupuncture in the spinal chord. This
isn't s a long term fix but at least it gives me time to get off these
meds so i. Can't function.

Tough week..Z is having a blast that makes me smile!

March 16th:  

Hey There, we r still good. Haven't eaten much and have slept a lot today. Our biggest challenge of the hour seems to be figuring out how to calm my hip pain. It excruciating and I am having pretty severe reactions to all the big drugs that work. We thought the methadone was working this morning, but my blood pressure dropped really low and my heart rate went up to 170. Not fun when u feel faint and have docs rushing in your room. It was really scary. They think it was the methadone. My body isnt used to stuff like that, duh! Lol Now no more methadone for me either. We are waiting on the dr that can do the spinal chord ablation procedure but they aren't sure he can fit it in his sched. In the meantime, I'm just weak, nauseas, and have pretty much slept all day. I love u. Jeff is here, Z is playing with friends and Grammy and we are doing the best we can. I guess you can say, we've made it to the big leagues. I'm going to do this!

I miss my little guy like crazy. He misses mom too but we are juggling as best as we know how. He's been having tons of fun on play dates and BBQ with friends. Z has been having fun. It's night times that get a little hard naturally. All and all we are making it work and going to do everything in our power to stare this ugly monster down. 

Jen

I haven't even had any IL-2 yet. Please Lord, keep my body strong so I can endure the road ahead

March 17th:  Happy St. Patty's wear your green :-). 

Update:
Dr. "V" (full name too long) came by to see me last night late. He said, "I think she is a good candidate for a cordotomy. There are two considerations. First, we need to follow her blood counts to ensure the procedure is safe. Second, the procedure is done in the ct scan room. Unfortunately, this is not something i can arrange on the weekend. Will find out first thing monday when we could schedule. 

If my counts are ok and there is availability, I may be having this procedure on Monday. More info. as it comes. Just finished my chemo. Feeling pretty nauseas 

but ok. Love you all. ♥

March 18th:  Here's the scoop: when I'm MIA WITHOUT report from FB, I'm in "special territory"

Sheesh! So, I am now known on the floor as the person that does not react to "normal" medications in a text book way. Not surprised...I came out backwards remember?

So, morning was going great until I had to puke. I puked and then everything with my heart went haywire. My heartrate went up to 170. Beats per min, low blood pressure, shallow breathing and very scary.

Oxygen mask went on and in came the doctors. Remamber, I'm not even on IL-2 yet. Holy! My body has a hyper sensitive reaction to medicines. The docs even called me "not normal"my heart went into afribrilation and we couldn't get it back down. They gave me meproporfal sps?

Cardiologists were called in and now all I'm waiting on is a bed on the cardiac floor for monitoring so i can be watched closely. We need to avoid a stroke. Well, yah! I'm leaving my melanoma floor now and they will make DVD. Dec wed whether or not I will receive IL-2 here or in ICU DOR CLOSE MONITORING.

I'm exhausted. Jeff is here. We are getting is worked out. Scary, all the more.

Another reason is the lymph node that has melanoma in it outside my heart could be growing. WE KNOW I NEED TREATMENT. Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. ♥.

March 19th (Morning): 

Well...Made the call, NO procedure for me. It's too late as my blood counts are too low and I'm close to being neutropenic sps? and the risk for infection is too high. I COMPLETELY agree. That is all we would need. Today has actually been a stable day. Nick Thornburg and his mom visited which helped perk me up as he begins his last week of high dose...Nick, you are almost there. yeah..As for me, looks like TIL day may be wed. Pain is being managed, heart too, and now just 

trying to figure if I will be in ICU for IL-2 or reg. floor 10. Stay tuned...

March 19th (Evening):

Jeffrey is with me and sharing stories of the comings and goings of our household...I miss my blue eyed Little Man Terribly...This is only the 2nd time in his life I have been away from him over night...sigh (not to mention for this long). He's doing great and it's been fun to hear of his silliness and sweetness that I miss so much.

On another note, our poor little orange Tabby...CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIM? GOODNESS. Mom and dad new Sasha (our 8 lb grey cat, grin) would miss mom; however, Mr. Jenkins our little moley orange 12 lb little 1st born is having a hard time Missing mom. Part of his normal routine is he comes in and conoodles mom and 3:30am every morning without fail! I LOVE it and so does he...(who says kitties have no personalities...ha) Anyway, Mr. Jenkins has been having tremendous anxiety issues since Mom has been away and dad says he's been alerting the troops (him and grammy) in pure agony in trying to find me. Jeff got no sleep last night.

It's so bad that Poor Mr. Jenkins had to have a vet consultation today and my poor little furry critter is in need of Anti Anxiety Medication. I feel so bad, but on the other hand it truly is so sweet. Animals are so loving and just the BEST. I miss you too MR. JENKINS...Mom is just trying to get better. Hopefully be home in the next 2 weeks to snuggle you.....

Mr. Jenkins needs anti-anxiety MEDS...Are you kidding me? Feel better tonight kitty and PLEASE let Daddy get some rest...

I LOVE MY WHOLE FAMILY ♥ Today has been a good day ;-)

Ok, it's out there...had a rough night and rough morning...I need to feel to FIGHT! so I am...

It's out there, if there is anytime to HATE anything, it's time to HATE MELANOMA!  I HATE IT.  Going on no sleep high pain and trying to get to the hospital.....here it is:

Emotional, exhausted, ambivialent, in pain...hospital bed ready, now I just want more time. Wanting to run and hide. I'm in need of so much help I feel very humiliated and like a burden. No one did anything, just the situation. No one really knows what to do. Not even me. Every emotion under the sun. Safe to say, I'm a mess. Ready or not...here we go! Prob. best I feel all this. It's real...I'm hurting, I'm nervous. I want this to work so badly. Please Lord help me get through this. I'm scared. It's a lot easier to face fears with some sleep under you belt and in a state of NO pain....BREATHING...One thing at a time.