Just An Information Post...

     Hi everyone!  I've been feeling pretty good which means it's been hard to keep me from being what I love...MOM!  That being said, I'm exhausted by bedtime which leaves little time for reflection/emailing/phone calls etc before I literally fall asleep the second I sit down.  Important to mention that I'm good in a not starting chemo kind of way, but in so many ways being in LIMBO is tricky.  It's tricky on Jeff and tricky on the psyche.  

     I still having pain and an incision that is not healing my mind still worries as much as I try to let it not.  It's hard not to when I have pain.  It's managed by pain meds, but it's there.  Lots of pain in my back.  Here are the steps we are doing to check things out.

1.  Tom, thurs. I go in for a chest x-ray to see if there are any changes on my lungs

2.  Friday Morning bright and chipper at 6:15 am. I go in for an MRI of my spine.  This will hopefully shed some light on the T7 vert. which is where the pain is stemming from.  If it a hairline fracture or more melanoma causing this?

3.  Tues. I go in and see Dr. Ross. Hopefully we can do something to take care of this incision site because now it's oozing.

4.  We are pending Labor Day Plans and with all these new appt., we are minute by minute.

     Without chemo, all I want to do is keep things normal and be as involved in the day to day with Zach and his activities as possible.  It's a weird place.  I walk around looking like the healthiest most normal person around yet a lot of things going on on the inside.  You wouldn't know it by seeing me, but I've been an emotional roller coaster.  It all makes sense but just because it makes sense sometimes I do wish I could shake this BIG MONKEY call MELANOMA off my back but it still stares at me in the face.  The hard part is we go from it staring at me in the fight of my life, staring at me in the sense I may have to deal with this for the next 40+ years, or staring at me in the sense of is it something I go in have surgery, do the work (chemo) and BAM it's gone forever....Man wouldn't that thought be nice....GONE FOREVER!  That is what we are all praying for.  The unknown/grey areas are always what are the challenge.

Lots of changes...Z started his new school which in the big picture is completely amazing and the right thing, but in the day to day small picture I have to say I've been an emotional wreck as I navigate whether or not I've made the right decision, if it's too much, then right back to 100% confident it's right.  I'm all over the place, but as we near the end of second week, I'm completely eager and excited about the possibilities and learning opportunities he will have and know flourish.  He just needed to get into a groove and get his feet wet in terms of learning the classroom rules and procedures.  He will be beginning Soccer Shots and is really excited about that, swims on wed. like a super fish, and LOVES Coach Rod for Tennis.  He is a bundle of energy LOVES it all.

Ok, pray for me that these appt. go well.  Hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day Weekend and that the new school years for many of us con't to be positive.

love ya,

Jen

My Rock, My Partner in Crime, My Everything... This is our Dance Jeffrey Dean-I love you!

There is no other man I would rather take this journey with than my husband.  I love you Jeffrey Dean Christie.  You are unlike any other.  We have been through everything together and we expect to kick Cancer's Bleep!  Live Fully, Love Completely, and DANCE.  Our DANCE is everyday!  All we have is now and what a gift to realize that at such a young age.  There is beauty in illness and when we silence this beast for a 2nd time how lucky are we to have the perspective and richness of LIFE and to LOVE the simplicity of everyday moments.  Our love is RAW and AUTHENTIC.  The silly desires don't matter...I am so lucky to live in contentment!

Here was a Facebook Status Update from me the other day and I feel like it says a lot:

.

As I navigate my way through this tumultuous disease, I find that everyday I must 

force myself to create a new path with new purpose. It's up to me to choose to that 

purpose and new direction because there are no constants. Everyday, a little 

lost. Everyday a new demon to silence.

That Is my purpose. To do just that, silence It and replace It with Faith and Calmness 

and something happy :-) I strive to have the strength and endurance to face it all 

gracefully. I am...I will. There are times when the only way that is possible is with help. 

So, thank you~

 

CHEERS TO YOU ALL!

SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY...THESE PICTURES ARE MEANINGFUL BECAUSE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL A WEEK BEFORE THIS EVENT.  I BEAT THIS DISEASE ONCE AND WILL DO IT AGAIN.  WE WEREN'T EVEN SURE THEN THAT WE WOULD MAKE IT TO THIS DAY AND WE DID.  HAIR EXTENSIONS AND ALL.   ;-)  LIVING WITH THE COMPASSION TO REALIZE THAT EVERYONE WALKING DOWN THE STREET HAS A STORY.  TO AN OUTSIDER, THE HARDEST PART ABOUT THIS DISEASE IS I LOOK LIKE A NORMAL, HEALTHY MOM. NOBODY CAN SEE THE PAIN OR THE DISTRESS THAT IS HAPPENING INSIDE.  CANCER IS A SILENT DEMON THAT I AM COMMITTED TO HELPING PEOPLE SEE THE GIFTS THAT IT GIVES RATHER THAN THE DEMONS IT CREATES.  THERE ARE GIFTS, WE JUST NEED TO SEE THEM. <3  

My Little Miracle Himself, Working Miracles on Mamma!

 What on earth would I do without the love and support of Family, Friends, and the sense of community I live in that keep me going everyday.  Words cannot express how blessed and how grateful I am to be surrounding by such wonderfulness.  I appreciate all the work and effort that goes into holding up our family during this tumultuous time.

 Taking amazing care of Mamma.  Dream BIG kid, you already have what it takes.  You are my miracle already...I love you with my everything.  I love you Winkerbean...