Sunday, November 6, 2011

My Brain wants to GO and my body says NO...

This combination isn't a good one for me and it's been an emotional weekend.  I end up wanting all this to be over and say enough is enough.  The longevity of it has me down.  Like I said on Facebook, somewhere in all this I lost my "Can do" attitude mainly due to this feeling of wanting so badly to feel productive and independent but not being able to follow through.  Friday my rash started coming back so we know 7 pills won't work for me.  I stopped 2 doses and am back to 6 and rash wise doing ok.  The joint pain I feel truly hurts and also the reason I haven't been updating either.  My right hand I can't get to stretch out and it feels like the bones in it are crushed.  Going to ask about physical therapy.  There also comes a point when you hit that wall wanting to be dealing with something else in my life.  Not wanting to always be talking about Cancer etc.  I know I'll break through this feeling, but a commitment I made to myself was to be honest so maybe I can help someone out there.  Definitely not Polly Positive today.....and that is OK.

love to you all!

Melanoma SUCKS!

1 comment:

  1. Hey Jen-

    I'm thinking about you and I find your posts uplifting and enlightening- even when you're not in "positive patty" mode. You always seem to be in HONEST mode and i think that is beautiful, graceful and impressive. Random folks like me are inspired by you honesty and tenacity. I wish you and your family the best this holiday season- and congrats on going to therapy! It's hard but SO amazing and revelatory!