Friday, May 18, 2012

Something that always make me smile :-)

Two phrases that Z still says that I have no desire to correct him on:

1. Very Emphatically: "NO I AM'NT MOM!" lol

2. "Yesternight when we had dinner..."  etc.

and then I think to myself...why not no I am'nt or yesternight! It sure does make a whole lot of sense. ♥

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Heavy Thoughts Tonight...

Having an argument in my head regarding the "new normal" kind of Gig...I WON'T ACCEPT IT, BUT DON'T KNOW HOW TO RELEASE MYSELF FROM IT. Kind of sad tonight ;-( Wish I was able to feel more helpful and not such a burden. I'm not sure this is what anyone dreamt it would be like...So stiffled within my own head. Silent tears on my pillow.  I wish I had an impact like I used to be able to. I wish I could erase it all and make it obsolete.  Mobility is so much of who I am and even though I know my body is only the shell of me and not the soul of who I am, somedays, like today I WANT MY SHELL BACK.

Dear Hip Pain...GO AWAY!

Trying to be patient, but hip pain seems to be getting worse rather than better...Mobility is better with the cane and the walker, but the pain is still there. Besides being tired, I FEEL healthy!

Please Lord hear me: "Please let this be a temporary thing and please let my brain believe it is so it doesn't go wondering. I'm an active 36 year old mom who loves to run, swim and do anything active. I need/want use of my hip../legs."

AMEN---Please comfort and take care of all the warriors who are fighting harder than me!

Monday, May 14, 2012

My "NEW Leg & Wheels" Arrived on Friday May 11th!

Friday the 11th of May, I went to my 1st Physical Therapy Appt.

btw: I got a new leg (A CANE...really helpful) and wheels (MY WALKER...BEING DELIVERED TO MY HOUSE TOM) today Physical Therapy. Going to go 1x a week for 4 weeks to start to start strengthening my core so I stay strong everywhere else besides the limited weak/hip area where we have to just wait and see if the metastasis shrinks.

If Hip aint HAPPY, Ain't nobody HAPPY...HIP IS 


 "PEGGY" for the whole Peg-leg thing etc.  Plus, I figure if I get bored, Peggy is always with me to chat with while I'm at scans by myself.  grin...

My walker has been more challenging to find a name.  Here are names in the (in no particular order):

1.  Royce
2.  Jet
3.  Boswell

What are your thought?

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I feel emotionally complicated:-/

You know, most days I do ok and I'm able to focus my brain on one day at a time. Every now and then, I get ahead of myself. It's exhausting trying to keep up with the desires of my brain when my body can't. I just hate it, let's be real. I know all that stuff be patient, my body has been thru a lot but the honest truth is something has been going on with me full speed ahead for a year and a half and I'm tired. I'm not giving up, but at some point as much as I try to believe this is temporary, it sure feels like it's permanent. That's when I get down and the cycle begins. I was sad today. I'll get it together. I HATE CANCER! I HATE THE CONFUSION IT BRINGS TO A this point I know if it doesn't kill you, it sure does make you stronger. I'm STRONG ALREADY! I'm READY FOR A BREAK.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Best News I could have received at this point...

...but not out of the woods just yet.  One day at a time and moving in the right direction feels great!

Here's the scoop! They are calling me a TIL RESPONDER. Not out of the woods, but moving in the right direction!

I'd say...A GREAT DAY ♥~

My brain: ALL CLEAR! Whoo hoo (spare the jokes please...ha ha, I know, I know)

Liver: they think all that is left are cysts but watching them. :-)

Lungs, lymph node outside my heart, abdomen, small bowel and everywhere else have either SHRUNK or remain stable. :-)

A GREAT REPORT to have so early on....

Want me to put my chordotomy on hold for now. go to physical therapy and get a cane/walker to help walk on my hip. Should only be putting about 10% of weight on that hip.

Afraid if they take away the pain, I could get a false sense of what my hip is capable of and fracture it. Hopeful it will shrink too based on current results.

Bones need more time to heal so we'll wait and see.
NO more treatments at this time, my body needs time to recover from such a hard treatment. Plus it's working, so wait and see is a great option.

NO procedure on Monday. Yeah! I have a MRI of spine on tues and then scan again in June.

God Bless, God is good. My biggest need for prayer is my hip pain.

Let's do this! Melanoma WILL NOT DEFINE my soul. I WILL see a cure!