Saturday, March 10, 2012

Countdown to the BIG DAY... TIL = NED Lets' do this!

Call at 10am Sunday March 11, 2012  to get a time for Admission.  They are then supposed to call us back and let us know when a bed will be available and for us to come on in...Nothing like not knowing until the last minute, grin!  Here is what has gone down these last few days...

What I wrote Thurs. Night:  I've been up for an hour now since 2am. EXCRUCIATING hip pain. Nothing was cutting it. I just needed to go to the bathroom and there I find myself in a cradle position, unable to even rock, silent tears down my face and my husband so confused as to what I'm doing he's thinking I'm being funny and quickly learned I wasn't.   Please LORD, let me make it through these next two days. If I can't get ahold of this pain, I may need to check into the hospital early. 

SO MUCH HIP PAIN I was back to being lifted/dragged to the restroom.  Now I'm screaming. So much pain. All I had was hydrocodone so I took two. Kicking in but not cutting the pain. Terrible headache. I write this unable to sleep because the hip pain feels like knives. Please help me have the strength to get through this Friday and Sat without being admitted early. It hits hard when the pain is so high. I have melanoma, stage 4 and it's trying to kill me. Please pray for relief. This monster works. Please pray that the week I'm in the hospital this BEAST DOESNT TEAR ME APART IN JUST ANOTHER SHORT WEEK.

 I've declined in such a short time off my medicine it's pretty frightening. Hubby was confused what I needed as it was the middle of the night and he was half asleep. I know he believed me but he didn't know how to support my agony at that moment. Pain starting to be masked. Thanks for listening. Thank you! How, just how does this monster think it can get me. IT WON'T. IT WON'T. Prayers to anyone and everyone. Effected by its unpredictability. ♥

Friday Night's journey:  Just to shake things up a bit, I spent the a couple of hours in the ER last night in the worst pain I have ever in my life experienced.  I was convulsing, lips were quivering, nauseas, and unable to find a spot of comfort.  Trying to rock, couldn't sit, couldn't stand.  Jeff had to drag me to get to the restroom I could not even crawl.  Excruciating is an understatement!  Got my central line in this position and Jeff walked over to melanoma and skin to get a Rx or Oxycodone and potentially some morphine.  Nothing worked.  

At about 7pm, we made the call to head to the ER after talking to Dr. Kim.  Dr. Kim told us to take some ADVIL.  Absolutely unbelievable. Advil? After a full day of suffering and the highest dose of heavy narcotics, my pain is managed by advil and I'm being sent home. This is awesome, but really...who would have thought Advil. Lol. I kind of feel lame, but still don't regret coming. Pray I can get a good nights rest and the pain relief holds steady through Sunday. Flabber gasted sps. If u know me, u know my pain threshold is high. Advil? I guess the tumor in my hip pushes on a nerve and when I take the Advil is works on inflammation. Duh...driving home and night all. What a circus!

As for the advil, if you actually think about it, it does make sense but when morphine isn't cutting your pain you kind of don't think advil will. Also, on Zelboraf Advil was a no no for me so I was thinking I couldn't take it. Because not on the Zelboraf I can. I'm still in pain, but at least I can sit. The pain I experienced I was in complete full body shivers, shaking, couldn't walk, couldn't get comfortable and couldn't get relief. At least this way, I can make it to Sunday at home...Slept well last night. 

I have NO words for what Melanoma BONE pain feels is EXCRUCIATING. no words....hugs everyone! Morphine and oxycodone block receptors in the brain and do nothing for the inflammation from bones on nerves. They said advil works wonders on bone cancer pain....who knew?  I didn't know the brain doesn't recognize inflammation pain. I do now, I'm ready for my doctorate. It's all so very fascinating!

Melanoma isn't worth it!  PERIOD.

My two new "tube friends" that will be with me kicking Cancer's Ass for the next however how long. Picture is BELOW:  The port coming out of the arm is a safer location than the one I had on my chest in 2006 for high dose interferon. What is amazing to me s how they threaded it through my veins all the way into the spot right near my heart in my chest. 
Jeff and Grammy will attend classes when I get admitted to learn how to change my dressing. Can't get the twins wet so I cover it in Saran Wrap and a plastic ziplock with tap. It works. Fun stuff. These guys arrived yesterday while in excruciating pain. Still in pain but at least my body isn't convulsing from it and I can at least relax when not moving. Thank u Advil and alternating hydrocodone. On a six hour schedule with each so taking something every 3 hours.   Glad we figured out the solution for that one. Never in my life have I felt pain like that. WOW~  NOT RECOMMENDED...
What shall we name these two little friends of mine?  Hmm...?

My buddy Nick reminded me:  You are just going to love your new friends. Actually not so bad after a few days.

The pole is more annoying. I am so happy that I got divorced from my IV pole! It was very clingy. Lol.  

My response:

Nick, I forgot about the affair I was going to have with the IV pole. You are so funny. Good to have its clingy &$* off your back. I may be dancing with mine in the hallways upon your return. "I'll do it...(pause)". Spirit fingers! Lol

When Jeff got home, he drove me to get a mani/pedicure...this Diva needs to look damn good for her big day. Lol I can't drive, but I figure I could sit in a chair and feel pretty. Ready to KICK CANCER IN THE ASS Tom. Using my pain, my anger, my drive to focus on years of clear scans and no medication. Being beautified for the years of NED COMING MY WAY! 
Really is the small things...these will be my daily reminders of sunshine as I wake up every morning and see them shining back at me ;-p. Yeah for soft added bonus that happens when stopping Zelboraf. The callouses begin to leave as well.

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