WE ARE NOT MESSING AROUND ANYMORE AS IF WE REALLY WERE THE 1ST TIME, BUT HERE IT IS:
I have had all day to process this information and let me tell you, it was devastating when it first came out of my doctor's mouth. For me, hearing this was the last hurdle/last nightmare that could possibly happen. After my Brain MRI last night, they discovered I had some metastases in my BRAIN! Yes, you heard me correctly....IT'S SPREAD TO MY FREAKING BRAIN!" HOW can this be?, I'm doing everything right?, I'm so dilIgent?, on top of every lump/bump/scan? HOW, WHO WHAT, HOW? HUH? WHY?
AND THEN IT HAPPENED....A FLASH, A WHITE FLASH OF MY LIFE WITH ZACHARY'S ZOOMING ALONG AS IF TO TELL ME I WILL SEE IT ALL, IT JUST MAKE BE ON A MORE FAST-TRACKED FASHION.
I know this all too well already, but I really know this....Life is precious, Life is Fragile, and none of us ever really know what is going to happen or how it is going to be, BUT I REALLY WASN'T EXPECTING THIS!
One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, minute by minute.........the lazor focus has hit a whole new meaning. I, Jen Chrisite, whom loves MY life with her everything, now has Cancer in my brain. Instead of hiding behind a rock, which I have never been one to do very well, I am exposing myself in full vulnerability. The lesions are small in that they are only 2mm. They said if this was just 2 years ago, they would be too small to even do anything about. However, the fact of the matter is, that IT'S MELANOMA! WE all know Melanoma is different, it's FAST, sneaky and was prob. there all along just undetectable.
They believe it is because of Zelboraf that I prob. kept it off for this long.....I'm still REALLY UPSET, AND STILL NEED MORE SUPPORT THAN EVER. EVEN THOUGH IT'S GOOD NEWS IN THAT THEY ARE SMALL TO THEM, it is still my brain and it is still Melanoma. I'm smart enough to know what this really means. Monday is still Surgery day for my breast tumor and then it hardcore treatment to STOP THE MELANOMA IN IT'S TRACKS. The added thing needed is radiation of my brain and potentially meds for my brain and/or gamma knife etc. It may be too small for gamma knife, I just don't know yet.
I'M IN A REAL FIGHT FOR MY LIFE NOW, and I need the strength to walk this path. I'm completely prepared to let GOD, as I have. I also am completely wanting more than ever to FIGHT LIKE HELL. We can't forget the new tumor growing rapidly on my breast, the lesions in my small bowel, and lymph nodes of abdomen. I'M SO BEYOND FRUSTRATED!
FIGHT THIS FIGHT WITH ME....I HAVE TO MAKE IT TO NC. TO WALK.....I HAVE TO MAKE IT ANOTHER YEAR TO SEE Z START KINDERGARTEN, GRADUATION, HIS WEDDING. AND ON AND ON AND ON... SO MANY REASONS I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
Bare with me, things are hectic with all the prep in dr. appt. etc. etc. Our family feels your support, but sometimes your support comes in needing our space in that to not complicate things are disrupt Zachary's calm he has going on with his school and his routine. We will keep you posted as best we can, but please know, it's hard on me when I feel your ansiness and anxiety through emails as we are doing everything in our power to make sure we can wake up the next day and do it all over again. I really wish I had better news. Prayers Please...
I LOVE YOU ALL! IT'S BEEN A ROUGH DAY, BUT STILL IN IT TO WIN IT!