Hi everyone! I've been feeling pretty good which means it's been hard to keep me from being what I love...MOM! That being said, I'm exhausted by bedtime which leaves little time for reflection/emailing/phone calls etc before I literally fall asleep the second I sit down. Important to mention that I'm good in a not starting chemo kind of way, but in so many ways being in LIMBO is tricky. It's tricky on Jeff and tricky on the psyche.
I still having pain and an incision that is not healing my mind still worries as much as I try to let it not. It's hard not to when I have pain. It's managed by pain meds, but it's there. Lots of pain in my back. Here are the steps we are doing to check things out.
1. Tom, thurs. I go in for a chest x-ray to see if there are any changes on my lungs
2. Friday Morning bright and chipper at 6:15 am. I go in for an MRI of my spine. This will hopefully shed some light on the T7 vert. which is where the pain is stemming from. If it a hairline fracture or more melanoma causing this?
3. Tues. I go in and see Dr. Ross. Hopefully we can do something to take care of this incision site because now it's oozing.
4. We are pending Labor Day Plans and with all these new appt., we are minute by minute.
Without chemo, all I want to do is keep things normal and be as involved in the day to day with Zach and his activities as possible. It's a weird place. I walk around looking like the healthiest most normal person around yet a lot of things going on on the inside. You wouldn't know it by seeing me, but I've been an emotional roller coaster. It all makes sense but just because it makes sense sometimes I do wish I could shake this BIG MONKEY call MELANOMA off my back but it still stares at me in the face. The hard part is we go from it staring at me in the fight of my life, staring at me in the sense I may have to deal with this for the next 40+ years, or staring at me in the sense of is it something I go in have surgery, do the work (chemo) and BAM it's gone forever....Man wouldn't that thought be nice....GONE FOREVER! That is what we are all praying for. The unknown/grey areas are always what are the challenge.
Lots of changes...Z started his new school which in the big picture is completely amazing and the right thing, but in the day to day small picture I have to say I've been an emotional wreck as I navigate whether or not I've made the right decision, if it's too much, then right back to 100% confident it's right. I'm all over the place, but as we near the end of second week, I'm completely eager and excited about the possibilities and learning opportunities he will have and know flourish. He just needed to get into a groove and get his feet wet in terms of learning the classroom rules and procedures. He will be beginning Soccer Shots and is really excited about that, swims on wed. like a super fish, and LOVES Coach Rod for Tennis. He is a bundle of energy LOVES it all.
Ok, pray for me that these appt. go well. Hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day Weekend and that the new school years for many of us con't to be positive.