So, here's the daunting diagnosis...The melonoma is essentially everywhere. It is in both breasts with the right side being larger, both lungs, the liver, small bowel, and bones. The bones showing metastasis are T7, the 4th rib, and left sacrum. Anyone given this challenge would look at it and freak out and yes there was time for this. Time has been allowed for the tears, the talks of preparation, the confusion, frustration, anger, and just all of it.
Then something came over me and I realize that life is too precious to fight something that I cannot change and so instead, I have decided to of course pray, but more than that. I have decided to believe, I have decided to be a miracle, I have decided to manifest positivity, and manifest my life. I kind of get excited...I know, I'm weird, but really excited. If you know me, kind of that teaching little ones how to read kind of excited....grin! Not excited to have melonoma of course, but excited to be a catalyst in promoting positive change. I want to see good in people and good in this world and through all of this I AM!
I realize that all any of us have is 12 hours really. None of us know when our time will be up? We take our life in our own hands daily just by walking across the street. If I look at it differently, I realize that the cards I have been given truly are gifts. Why? you might say...mainly because most people live their lives holding back, or saving things for a more important time, safe, with the fear of what if. The way I think and really always have is what a better time than now? It's about doing/being authentic/letting the petty meaningless stuff go and living with no regrets. I have decided to manifest my life and the goals and positivity that I see in it. Why not?
I'm blown away by the support from people in my life that I have now, have been blessed to know but somehow lost touch, and quite frankly by the support of people I have yet to meet. You all are here with me and here for a reason. I can't thank you enough. I feel the love from Elementary school friends, friends from the church I went to growing up, skating friends, friends from Middle School, High school, UCSD, and geez my sorority. I cannot believe the love I have felt by this radiant group of women in such a short amount of time. I would have never guessed a sorority at 35 years old could bring me so much joy :-) And then there is the present people in my life, my forevers from playgroup, my neighborhood and just so many inspiring, take charge people that I admire I can't even begin to tell you how much your support motivates me to SPARKLE even more. As for my neighborhood, in jut one year of living here I want all of them to know how blessed I feel to know all of you. Jeff and I both feel like our house landed upon OZ and we are in munchkin land with wonderfulness all around us.
This whole phenomenon has inspired me to be an example. It has inspired me to be the person I want to be fully and completely. I want to be better than melonoma. I AM...I have a story to tell, I want to help others. My heart has always been a teacher and my soul wants more than ever to TEACH right now.
Friday I know you will all be with me. The plan is to have surgery to remove two tumors. One from my breast, and the other on my panty line. What we specifically can pray for is that once these tumors are out of me, they grow in the lab. They grow T-cells used to fight the tumor and eventually will be put back in my body. The waiting game has been just to make sure that I qualify for every treatment option there is on the table. Friday is surgery, Sunday more bloodwork, and another MRI, then monday we meet with the medical side and hopefully get a plan and date to begin treatment. We are still praying that I am BRAF+.....Think and pray for me that I am BRAF + That would be amazing, but it isn't the say all end on in the hope dept. I AM GOING TO DO THIS AND ALL OF YOU WILL BE WITH ME BY MY SIDE WHILE IT'S HAPPENING. This is a beautiful thing and I love you all!